Do you dress for yourself or what you think others will approve of? Ideally, I would like to get to the point where I wear what I feel good in and what my heart desires without worrying about what others think about it. I mean why not? Life is short so we all should be happy to do what we want. But it takes courage, especially for someone like me. A war goes on inside my mind whenever I am deciding on my outfit for the day. I try to convince myself that I should be able to wear what I want and remain confident in it (and not care about others opinions) but once I am dressed and out and about, another voice in my head tells me:
Who the hell do you think you are that you feel you can wear anything you want without blending in with others?!
Then the original confident voice tries to drown out the other mean voice but it never fully succeeds. One way I could conquer this problem is to be more accepting to the mean/unconfident voice and not beat myself up for having those negative thoughts. It definitely does take practice though.
Whenever I plan to wear a sari (usually for Indian social events) is when the negative voice gets really loud. As you all probably know by now, saris are my most coveted attire to wear. It’s such a feminine and graceful piece of clothing. Seriously, whoever invented it was a genius. I just feel that its popularity is dying out and it is being replaced by the salwar kameez. In my opinion, saris look a hundred times better than the boring salwar. And they are much more fun and interesting to wear although I do wear salwars as well. Some of the styles can look cute but nowhere in comparison to a sari. But for some reason, the negative voice tells me that I need the perfect occasion or mood to wear a sari and none of the events I go to warrant wearing one. I just don’t get how I usually convince myself of that.
Nonetheless, when I decide to wear a sari not me nor anyone can change my mind. I just bear living with the negative voice because I hate the thought of society dictating how I should live my life. I usually pray that I am not the only one wearing a sari in my age group at the particular event I am attending. 5 out of 10 times I am usually one of the few people wearing a sari. I guess that’s not that bad. Once I am out in a sari, it takes an hour or two for me to feel somewhat confident in it and then I eventually realize it was all worth the effort and battles in my head. But I feel a little sad because I realize I’ll have to go through it all over again the next time I decide to wear a sari.
Here is a picture of me on one of the occasions when I stepped outside my comfort zone to wear what I love wearing most…a sari.
At a Sikh temple for a wedding.